if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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