he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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