Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ketchup is God's man juice
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
