wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I will pee on everything he values.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would fuck him just for his dog
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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