remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Duck Duck Cougar?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
