my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
