everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
