i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
