i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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