70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
