it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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