I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
