i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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