i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
