Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
