I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
