I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
