I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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