DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
