two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
