Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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