it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
