My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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