to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize