It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
