ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
