The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
