yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
