I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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