I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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