Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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