I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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