I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
