walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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