Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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