We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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