She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
