Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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