DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
