Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
