I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
