things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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