I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will pee on everything he values.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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