i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
