I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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