Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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