Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
