found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
