Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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