just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
