my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
farters have to be the big spoon...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
