I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
