i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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