dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
