Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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