you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
