ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
