take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
