someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
