i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
