i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
