is your mom at the bar?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
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you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.