omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
