just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.