My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there