so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse