mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
