I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
