I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
