oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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