So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
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im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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