She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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