As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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