Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
