he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
