I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
