too bad you live with your parents still
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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