Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
