Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
